


Keepsake

by Sunset2304



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Is Steve's Keepsake, Bucky has issues, Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Emotionally Hurt Bucky Barnes, Emotionally Hurt Steve Rogers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kind Of But Only In Steve's Memory, M/M, Natasha Is Badass As Well, Natasha Is Steve's Best Friend, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Wanda Is Badass, Wanda fixes Bucky, cursing, stucky feels, unrequited love (but not really)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 06:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6894013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunset2304/pseuds/Sunset2304
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky suffers. Steve remembers. Natasha protects. Wanda fixes.</p><p>- </p><p>OR: That one fic where Team Captain America finds a safe place to stay and starts working on Bucky's recovery; Steve remembers their relationship before the war; Natasha finds out that they have been dating for close to 100 years; Wanda fixes everything and  Bucky remembers who he used to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keepsake

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooooo everybody!  
> I have been an absolute sucker for Stucky these past few weeks and I really wanted to put something out there for you to read. As usual this is kind of angsty but I promise everything is going to be just fine in the end. If you enjoy reading this fic I will maybe write a second part with a lot more fluff (I promise :D), so please let me know what you think in the comments!  
> I appreciate every new idea, criticism or whatever you have to say. :))) 
> 
> The characters in this story do not belong to me (*sobs a little*) but were created by Marvel. This scene developed from my imagination and does not really happen in "Captain America - Civil War" even though it takes place during that time.  
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Much love <3

“Steve?” Natasha’s voice was soft as she opened the screen door and stepped onto the patio.  
The sun had gone down already but it was still pleasantly warm outside. Captain America was sitting on the front steps of the small house they were staying at, not even moving when his name was called. Natasha sighed and gently closed the door behind herself before taking a seat next to Steve on the porch.  
“What’s bothering you?” she tried again, looking at the captain with concern showing in her green eyes.  
“Nothing.” Steve answered, not meeting her gaze.  
“That’s a lie and you know it.” Natasha said and reached out to take his hands into hers.

It was a small gesture but nevertheless one that expressed comfort. They sat in silence for a while before Steve finally lifted his head and glanced up at her.  
“Do you think he will remember everything? Bucky, I mean.”  
The spy squeezed Steve’s fingers and shrugged.  
“I don’t know, Cap.”  
A strange look scurried across Steve’s face and Natasha could feel herself frowning.  
“Wanda will do everything in her power to fix his mind.” She whispered. “I have no clue what exactly Hydra did to him other than that they technically broke his mind but I’m positive Wanda will help. She was with them as well after all.”

Steve hummed a little and Natasha knew that he was very close to breaking apart and telling her what was clogging up his mind. So she shut up and waited patiently until he started shuffling around next to her.  
“It’s just- I’m not sure if I want him to remember everything.”  
Natasha wouldn’t have been able to say anything even if she had known what to say. Normally she was immediately able to come up with a witty response but this time Steve Rogers’s words had stunned her into silence. It took several more seconds for her to process what she had just heard because hell, it just didn’t fit with anything they had been through those past few days. 

“What’s that?” The redhead asked, just to be sure that she hadn’t heard wrong.  
Instead of replying Steve solved from her and sat up straight again, his hands clenching in hers.  
“I think you understood what I said.”  
“Yeah, but why? Steve, isn’t this whole god damn mission about making Bucky remember?”  
“Yes.” Captain America said, staring off into the forest that laid beyond the wall of energy that Wanda had created to keep them safe.  
“I don’t understand then.” She mumbled. “Help me understand Steve.”

Slowly he pushed her fingers aside and opened his hands. Two dog tags laid in his palm, shining in the light of the lamp that was illuminating the porch and Natasha had to squint to be able to read the names engraved on the smooth metal. The first one said Steve Grant Rogers while the other one read James Buchanan Barnes. Her blood ran cold and as Steve carefully closed his fingers around the two marks again, it clicked.  
“You were lovers.” She whispered. 

It wasn’t a question any longer, it was the truth that now seemed to be so damn clear, Natasha felt stupid for not realizing it earlier. Steve wasn’t trying to save his best friend; he was trying to save his boyfriend. God, how did she miss that?  
“Yes and no.” Steve said quietly. “We were never an exclusive thing. We were just- something.” 

A breeze picked up and Nat shivered as the cold night air grazed her skin. She didn’t move though, she stayed right where she was because it was obvious that Steve was about to tell her something he had never told anyone else. Maybe it would bring some light into this whole thing.

“Everything started when I was still that skinny weakling that suffered an asthma attack everytime I walked up a set of stairs. I got into a lot of fights back then and one night when I was fourteen this jerk was beating me up real bad. I almost passed out from his punches when suddenly Bucky came ‘round the corner and scarred him off. He brought me home and came back the next day to check on me. It didn’t take long for us to become friends and even less time for me to fall in love with him. Hell, I was sold from the first second I saw him. But it was 1932 and people were homophobic back then. It was one of the greatest sins so I kept quiet about it. For six years I didn’t say a word, not to anybody, especially not Bucky but it was starting to wear me out. At first I thought it was a phase, just a stupid teenager crush because he saved me but it really wasn’t. I got sick everytime I saw him dance with a pretty dame and even more when he showed up at my house with new stories to tell about his nighttime adventures. One weekend we went dancing together, I got real drunk and Buck took me home and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I-I kissed him, it was just a small peck on the lips really but it was enough for him to- to understand.”  
Suddenly Steve stopped talking and lowered his head. Natasha swallowed against the lump in her throat and wrapped her arms around him tightly.  
“What happened then Steve? Tell me, please.”  
It was quiet for another moment but eventually the Captain drew in a shaky breath and continued. 

“He pushed me away and yelled at me about what had come to my mind, so I told him that he had and that I had been in love with him for years. He just stared at me like I was a crazy person and when I tried to reach out for him he hit me. In the face and in the stomach, everywhere he could reach really. He didn’t even stop when I had fallen to the floor; he just continued to punch me. I was half dead when he finally let off and disappeared. My neighbors found me and took me to the doctors. I was in the hospital for two weeks with a swollen face and several broken bones. Bucky didn’t come to see me once but when I got back home he was there waiting for me. He acted like nothing had happened so I didn’t say anything either. I was just happy that he hadn’t told anyone and was still talking to me. Everything kind of went back to normal until that one night Buck got drunk and I was the one taking him home. He asked me to stay and when I did he came on to me and kissed me. I was scarred but I also couldn’t push him away because that’s what I had wanted all along. I wanted Bucky and I took everything he was willing to give me. We didn’t talk about what happened but it became a habit. Every weekend, sometimes even on weekdays, Buck would get drunk and come knocking on my door. We would kiss a little, make out even when he was really far gone but he continued to act like nothing was up. I honestly don’t know how long we went on like that but at some point he started kissing me even when he was sober. It started feeling like a relationship, he would even take me to the movies every now and then.” 

Natasha could feel a single tear trickle down her cheek as she listen to Steve’s story. Pictures were flying through her head, pictures of a young Steve being madly and irreversible in love with his best friend during a time where loving somebody like that was considered a crime. It was gruesome because suddenly everything seemed to make sense. Steve and Bucky had history that was darker than any of them had expected. 

“1940 Bucky and I moved into an apartment together. I turned 22 a few days later and- and he made love to me for the first time.” The Captain stuttered, his cheeks were tinted red and he looked absolutely exhausted. “I thought everything was going to be alright but of course it all went to hell instead. Bucky started to go out dancing again and every time he would come home with hickeys covering his neck and smelling like perfume. To make the whole thing worse he still came on to me and I-I just didn’t have the power to push him away. He became mine for the nights and chased skirts during the day. He was with so many dames that I stopped counting and I still don’t know if he made love to all of them or just kissed them. Ma died that year and while Bucky whispered comforting words into my ear I knew that he was the one breaking me over and over again.”  
“He cheated on you.” Natasha whispered, reaching for his hands again.  
Steve shrugged weakly. 

“I guess he did but everytime he came back from his wild nights he would crawl into my bed, kiss me and beg for forgiveness. I couldn’t do anything about it, he had my heart in his hands. Believe me, I tried talking to him but he would just get mad and storm out, leaving me scarred for my life that he wouldn’t return. He did though and so we continued to live our miserable life of hide and seek or whatever fucked up game you want to call it. I tried to get into the army, partly because I thought I would be able to leave Bucky behind and start a new, better life. I wasn’t accepted but he was and the night before he left he kissed me sweetly and told me that he was sorry. I was torn between being heartbroken and hopeful but it soon became clear that I would never be able to let go of him. Even after I became Captain America not a day passed without me thinking about him. I remember beating myself up over the question if he played me all this time or if he really loved me and just didn’t know how to deal with it.” 

Steve went quiet again and Natasha knew that he was waiting for her to answer the question. But was there really an answer? The whole thing was so messed up it left both of its participants broken.  
“Did he ever tell you?” She asked carefully. “Did he ever tell you that he loved you?”  
The Captain nodded slowly. 

“Once. I was on a rescue mission at a Hydra base and when I found him and carried him out he told me that he loved me. I don’t know if he meant it but I didn’t question it at that point. When he was healed I asked him about it and in return he pecked my lips and handed me his dog tags. Maybe he did it because he felt guilty about how he had treated me. Maybe he felt like he had to after I had saved his life. I was beyond being scarred of getting hurt by him since he had ruined me for years so I just accepted it. He stayed by my side after that, stopped drinking, slept in my tent and kissed me goodnight every time before he closed his eyes. Other people knew but nobody questioned it, just like I never did. I loved him from the first to the last second Nat. When he fell to his death he took part of me with him and even seventy years later that part of me hasn’t returned. Obviously he doesn’t remember whatever we had but fuck, I’m scarred of him finding out about it.” 

Natasha was chewing on her lips by now. Steve was suffering more than any of them could have ever guessed and it drove her mad that there was no way to help him. She couldn’t just put a bandage on his broken heart like she did to his wounds after a fight. This wound was deep and older then she was able to calculate at the moment. It was open and raw in Steve’s chest and nobody was able to fix it, expect Bucky. When the coppery taste of blood filled her mouth the redhead pulled back from the Captain.

“I didn’t know, Steve.” She started up, not really sure about what she wanted to tell him in the first place. “I didn’t know but now I understand. I’m sorry that your most important relationship has been poisoning you for years. I’m sorry that you can’t let go of James. I don’t know how to fix this but I will help you be okay again. I promise, Steve, okay? I promise.” 

A tiny smile tugged on the corners of Steve’s lips.  
“I’m not sure if you can Nat. I know you would do everything in order to help but this situation has been bothering me for close to a hundred years. I need to figure it out by myself, even if I’m scarred of it. I don’t want to fall back into old habits.”  
“Then don’t.”  
“It’s not that easy. I love Bucky, probably always will and no matter what he does, I can’t let go of him.” 

Natasha pressed her lips together tightly. She was feeling an intense need to punch James Buchanan Barnes till he wasn’t able to stand on his goddamn feet. Just like he had done to Steve in 1938.  
“That’s stupid.” She spat simply because she didn’t know what else to say. “He doesn’t deserve another change since he messed up the last three thousand.”  
Steve snorted and rubbed his face slowly. He looked more tired than Natasha had ever seen him. 

“But what if he does? What if he loved me all this time and was never able to act on it because he was scarred?”  
The redhead yet again didn’t have an answer to that. This whole conversation was giving her a headache because no, she was not trained to give a nearly a hundred years old man love advice, thank you very much.  
“Still don’t know, Cap but I guess we’ll find out soon. Tomorrow actually, when Wanda works her magic.”  
Steve nodded and ran his thump over Bucky’s dog tag. They sat in silence for a little longer before Natasha got up and pulled the superhero beside her to his feet as well. 

“Captain?”  
“Hm?”  
“Do I have permission to hurt James?”  
“No, no you don’t.”  
“God damn it.” \-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

“Relax.” Wanda said and pressed her small hands to Bucky’s chest. “Lay back and just think of nothing.”  
The older man snorted but did as he was told and got comfortable on the carpet of their little living room. They were still at their safe house and the team, including Bucky, had unanimously decided that Wanda had to at least try to get the Winter Soldier out of Bucky’s head. It was too dangerous trying to fight Hydra while they still had full control over Bucky and could turn him into a lethal weapon with not so much as a couple of words. 

Steve, Sam and Natasha were standing opposite of the couple kneeling on the floor. Nobody was sure of what was going to happen when Wanda got into Buck’s head so they were prepared to fight. The Captain was holding his shield in one hand loosely, watching as Wanda moved his best friend, his old lover, into position. His heart was speeding up with every second passing because this could be the end or a new beginning. 

“Alright.” Wanda said in her thick accent. “You good?”  
You could have heard a pin drop. Everybody was staring at Bucky, waiting for his answer that came when he nodded shortly.  
“Let’s get this shit over with.”  
Sam tsked beside Steve.  
“Language, Barnes.” He said, obviously trying to lighten the mood.  
“Shut up, birdman.” Bucky replied sharply, his jaw clenching.  
“I said relax.” Wanda reminded him and moved his head into her lap. 

Steve felt the urge to slap himself when a spike of jealousy made his spine stiffen. He hadn’t touched Bucky at all after they had rescued him. Natasha gave him a look that perfectly portrayed her annoyance and crossed her arms over her chest.  
“Stop moving, you are driving me crazy.” She hissed.  
“I can’t.” Steve growled and continued to shift nervously.  
He was too old for this shit.  
“Be quiet, all of you. I need to concentrate.” Wanda commanded as she closed her eyes. 

It went quiet again and Steve held his breath as she placed her slender fingers on Bucky’s temples. It took a moment before the woman’s hands began to glow pinkish and another one before his friend’s body started to jerk violently. The Captain was at their side the next second, shield tightly in hand.  
“Wanda.” He said, his voice deeper than usual.  
“Shh.” She murmured. “Let me in, James. Let me in.” 

Steve sucked in a breath and went to his knees.  
“Buck.” He whispered as the slightly older man continued to struggle against his team mates. “Bucky, relax. You’re safe. Nothing bad is gonna happen.”  
Bucky grunted and arched his back off of the floor one more time before his body went completely slack. Natasha and Sam were watching him but no one made a move to get him back on the safe side so Steve stayed where he was, crouched next to Wanda and the love of his shitty life.

Time seemed to pass in slow motion. The sun was moving across the living room floor inch by inch but the tension in the room didn’t decrease at all. Nobody dared to speak a word so silence stretched uncomfortably between them while Wanda and Bucky sat unmoving. They were in some kind of trance and whenever one of them jerked it send the other three scrambling to their feet immediately. So far there were no signs on how Wanda’s, let’s call it therapy, was going and it was driving Steve out of his mind. After five hours of absolutely nothing he was so close to pulling his hair out that he needed to jam his hands between his thighs to not actually hurt himself. 

“Are they dead?” Sam asked suddenly, head resting on the wall behind him.  
“They are still breathing.” Natasha replied bored, examining her perfectly filed fingernails.  
Steve was about to tell Sam to shut up when Bucky suddenly sat up straight. He made a strangled sound before toppling over again and hiding his head between his thighs. The Captain flew to his side, hands hovering over his hunched back unsure of how to react. 

“Bucky? Hey, Buck. Are you okay there?”  
“SHUT UP!” His friend roared.  
Steve’s jumped and automatically reached for his shield as he heard Natasha’s gun click. 

“Bucky.” He said slowly. “Everything is okay. You are safe. We all are safe.”  
Bucky’s whole body began to shake and a dry, broken sob ripped through the room.  
“Stop talking. Just stop talking!”  
Steve wanted to answer back but held back his words when Wanda gave him a stern look.  
“He is overwhelmed.” She said calmly and got back to her feet. “I renewed his memories. Some of them were easy to get back, other ones were almost gone. Most of the gaps in his mind should be filled but it’s confusing for him to meet the person he was before.” 

“So it worked?” Natasha asked, her gun still fixed on Bucky’s head.  
“Yes but he needs time to sort everything out. To get to know himself again and to see if he still is the person he was before.” Wanda replied and turned so she was looking into Steve’s eyes. “You should stay with him. You guys have a lot to talk about.”  
Steve swallowed. She knew. 

“Put the gun down Nat. He’s not gonna do anything, isn’t that right Buck?” He asked the man cowering on the floor.  
Bucky shook his head quickly.  
“Alright. We will be outside if you need us, Cap.” Sam said like the good friend he was and grabbed Natasha’s arm who only left the room reluctantly.  
Wanda followed them quietly, giving Steve an encouraging smile before disappearing as well. 

“Okay, Buck. I’m gonna put my shield away now. No need to be scarred, nobody’s gonna hurt you.” He said slowly and leaned his weapon against the wall.  
When his friend didn’t move at all, Steve took a seat on the armchair opposite of him.  
“I can only imagine what it feels like to- to suddenly remember everything. But we have time, okay? We can stay here as long as you want and figure everything out. I can wait Buck, you know that.” He continued to talk carefully, testing the waters.  
Bucky’s shoulders quivered once more before he sat back up. His eyes were wide open and Steve could see raw emotion flicker across his face. 

Pain. Shock. Relief. Hope. Fear. It made his heart clench but he also saw something else in his friend’s eyes, something that made him smile a little bit.  
The old Bucky was looking back at him, the man he had known since childhood days and also the man he had fallen in love with.  
“Hey there.” Steve whispered. “Are you with me?”  
Bucky’s gaze wandered over him and he felt his heart jump when their eyes finally met. God, so many emotions were displayed there. 

“We were lovers.” The older man mumbled his voice hoarse.  
Steve blinked. It was like ice water had suddenly replaced the blood pumping through his veins. Steve blinked again.  
“Buck.” He tried but shut his mouth again because he had no idea how to react.  
“Steve. We were- we were together for- for years. I didn’t- remember but it came back right away. We were l-lovers.” Bucky stuttered, his eyes frantically searching for an answer in Steve’s face.  
When he didn’t find one his expression changed from desperate to angry and he jumped to his feet. 

“ROGERS!”  
The Captain winced and swallowed against the lump in his throat. They had to have this conversation. They had to.  
“Yes.” He finally whispered. “We used to be together, Buck. Kind of at least.”  
Bucky’s face twisted again. Now it was showing guilt more than anything and that was just confusing to Steve.  
“I loved you.” His friend said next.  
That was like a punch to the gut for Steve. This time he was the one toppling over, biting his lip not to scream at Bucky to shut his god damn mouth. He knew this was going to happen. 

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know.”  
“Steve.” It was amazing how Bucky’s voice could go from threatening to comforting in a matter of seconds. “I loved you. I remember. I loved you all along.”  
The Captains heart jumped a little and he could feel a warm feeling spread through the pit of his stomach. Bucky had loved him just like he had loved Bucky. He looked up to his long lost lover and smiled, just a little bit but enough for him to register.  
“Did you love me, Stevie?”  
The nickname send a shiver down Steve’s spine.  
“I did, Buck.” He answered honestly. “I never stopped.” 

Bucky’s brows furrowed a tiny bit but then he smiled as well.  
“I will try.” He finally whispered.  
“You’ll try what?”  
“To learn to love again and after that Rogers, after that I will love you like I wasn’t able to in the past.” He took a deep breath and reached for Steve’s hand. “I will love you to the end of the line.”


End file.
